Ze randomness of things

I have this weird habit of telling my crushes how I felt about them. So, here I go again.

This guy I fancy isn't the typical guy. He's most likely graduating with highest honors. He's very much musically competent. He draws quite well. Ask his friends what he hasn't got... They'll answer, love. ---- which is where I come in. Kidding!

The first time I saw him play, he was playing the guitars. He was so good with his hands, I couldn't keep my mouth closed. I was just staring at him, engrossed with the way his fingers flicked and made music. The second time I saw him, we were introduced. But he was too busy to even notice me. He played the violin that night. I can still hear his strings' vibrations echoing through my mind. The third time, we were introduced, yet again but we were among many people so I never really got the chance to talk to him.

So, my infatuation with him died down because unfortunately, our paths never crossed again.. Or our paths crossed but I never noticed it.

Anyways, being the random person that I am. I gave myself the chance to be part of his life. (Ang kapal ko lang noh?) I gave him a note saying, 

You probably don't know me, but I think I like you. :)

He probably thinks I was playing with him. But I wasn't. Like, seriously, I like this guy. Fortuantely, he's different from other guys I've known. He's the humble type, I guess. It seems like my little act didn't get to his head, which is great. 

At this point, I don't know how or what to feel because I don't want to preempt anything. But alll I can say is I am quite content. 

Read at your own risk

Paalala: Nabuo ang mga kaisipang ito habang ako ay nagmumuni-muni at nag-na-number two. Ipagpaumanhin ang TMI. Bawal dito mag-assume. Inuulit ko po. Hindi ito lugar para mag assume. Wala itong pinatutungkulan na partikular na tao. Sabi nga sa mga palabas, any semblances to a person or event is purely coincidental. Ikaw ay binalaan na kaya wala na kong kasalanan kung magpapaapekto sa mga susunod na kasulatan.

Sigurado ako na ikaw na nagbabasa nito ngayon ay nasaktan na rin dahil sa pag-ibig. Okay lang yan. Ibig sabihin niyan, you are perfectly normal. Malamang sa malamang umasa ka na rin o di kaya'y nagpaasa. Wag mo ng i-deny na nagpaasa ka na. No one's condemning you for it. Or di mo lang alam. Bwahahahaha.

Anyways, the rationale of this post is to make people be mindful of their actions. I just wanted to write about it because most of my friends who've confided in me had this exact problem: lahat sila, umasa, naghintay at nasaktan. 

This may seem like a random fucked up rant but it's not. Pinagkonek-konek ko lang yung conversations ko with my friends. Payo to sa mga ayaw mag paasa..

Alam ko, alam mo, alam nating lahat na pagkikipagkaibigan lang ang pakay mo. Samakatuwid, dapat umasta ka ayon sa role mo sa buhay niya. Kung kailbigan ka lang talaga, dapat bilang kaibigan, alam mo kung hanggang saan ka lang. Alam mo dapat kung ano ang mga pwede at hindi mo pwedeng gawin o sabihin. Hindi ka parang kape sa starbucks o kung ano mang coffee shop na may extra sugar, extra cinnamon, extra milk, extra sweetness and whatnot.

Eto pa, women like consistency, yan ang tweet ng idol kong si Papa Jack. Kung hindi rin lang more than friends ang pakay mo.... Maawa ka naman, wag kang maging consistent. Hindi mo ba alam yung dynamics of social attraction? Dalawa dun ay maaaring napapaloob sa pagiging consistent: una, propinquity, in layman's term - proximity and the other regularity. The more frequent and more exposed you are to a person, the more likely it is for you to develop a genuine liking. Hindi ko inembento yan ah. Galing yan sa hfds121 handouts ko. Di lang ako marunong mag in-text citation ng handouts. Hihi. 

Last na to.... Never get physical kung just friends ang habol mo, okay? Wag kang tanga kasi malamang sa malamang, aasa yun dahil sa isang pagyakap, pag-akbay, pag-hhww at kung ano pa.

Kung malandi ka at gusto mong magpaasa..... fuck you. Charot! Haha. Edi gawin mo yung opposite nito. Bahala ka. Buhay mo yan. Pero tandaan, karma's a bitch. ;)

A fool for love?

November 16, 2011. 10-ish in the evening. Cafe Antonio.

I will not give you the chance to ever hurt me again. You can act like you know nothing. You can act like nothing ever happened between us. You can act like you don't care at all. Hell, you can even act like I don't even exist! But, never again will I look like an idiot because of you.

I'm throwing away all my feelings, all the stupid thoughts, all the fuckin' memories away. I hate you so much, K.A. But, I hate myself more for falling for that stupid act you pulled to me. I never thought I could loathe myself this much, but you made it possible.

I hate you so much, K.A.
I hate you so much, K.A.
I hate you so much, K.A.
I hate you so much, K.A.
I hate you so much, K.A.
I hate you so much, K.A.
I hate you so much, K.A.
I hate you so much, K.A.

Maybe if I keep saying this to myself over and over again, I'd be able to make myself believe it's true.